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rant/effusion
Mar. 18th, 2005 01:27 pmbored silly in the female department. sure, it's nice to see her, but in social situations i just find myself so bored around her.
maybe i have high expectations? maybe i expect to just pluck my soul mate out of a hat, and that she'll automagically be as wild as i envision myself being?
maybe i should shut the fuck up and at least give her another shot. ah, why are people so socially lazy here? it makes me want to scratch out my eyes or cut myself a new set of gills. i'm just as bad as anyone else, too.
or maybe, just maybe, i should shut the fuck up and never worry again. i mean, i can't think of anything more social than playing shows in a band every week. i can't even remember how many people i talked to before and after our show on tuesday...it was very nice.
it's really something i should make sure not to take for granted, my experience with the band. everything from meeting adam randomly, to creating that musical bond with him...to getting that call months later...to auditioning, and getting asked back for rehearsal after rehearsal. the uncertainty that lasted for a good month....'am i even in this band? why do they keep asking me back if i'm not? am i good enough to play this next show? am i ready?'...to playing for the first time as a band...having that connection with four incredibly perceptive, creative, sensitive, intelligent, fun and especially TALENTED people on stage. these are the kind of guys i would be friends with even if we weren't in skyscraper together.
i wonder if many people know what it's like to take time out of your jaded, drab day (well i speak for myself there, not everyone else), to do something with purpose and hope, and look into your bandmates' eyes and see that very purpose and hope reflected back at you...and then when you take it on stage and you do your best to push out that vibe, only to have the audience reflect it back at you, tenfold...to see people breathless or get the chills from your music. or even just to make them close their eyes and smile.
i know i'm going on about this but you have to understand...this is something that's occupied every single one of my daydreams for over a decade. i just want to connect with people, and this is the most emphatic and beautiful way that i know how.
maybe i have high expectations? maybe i expect to just pluck my soul mate out of a hat, and that she'll automagically be as wild as i envision myself being?
maybe i should shut the fuck up and at least give her another shot. ah, why are people so socially lazy here? it makes me want to scratch out my eyes or cut myself a new set of gills. i'm just as bad as anyone else, too.
or maybe, just maybe, i should shut the fuck up and never worry again. i mean, i can't think of anything more social than playing shows in a band every week. i can't even remember how many people i talked to before and after our show on tuesday...it was very nice.
it's really something i should make sure not to take for granted, my experience with the band. everything from meeting adam randomly, to creating that musical bond with him...to getting that call months later...to auditioning, and getting asked back for rehearsal after rehearsal. the uncertainty that lasted for a good month....'am i even in this band? why do they keep asking me back if i'm not? am i good enough to play this next show? am i ready?'...to playing for the first time as a band...having that connection with four incredibly perceptive, creative, sensitive, intelligent, fun and especially TALENTED people on stage. these are the kind of guys i would be friends with even if we weren't in skyscraper together.
i wonder if many people know what it's like to take time out of your jaded, drab day (well i speak for myself there, not everyone else), to do something with purpose and hope, and look into your bandmates' eyes and see that very purpose and hope reflected back at you...and then when you take it on stage and you do your best to push out that vibe, only to have the audience reflect it back at you, tenfold...to see people breathless or get the chills from your music. or even just to make them close their eyes and smile.
i know i'm going on about this but you have to understand...this is something that's occupied every single one of my daydreams for over a decade. i just want to connect with people, and this is the most emphatic and beautiful way that i know how.
